Christmas 2013

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 1

Build the Present Depot

Homer: The Holidays are here again? It seems like only yesterday I was tapping on my house and changing the design from “Christmas” to “plain.”
Homer: And so much snow!
Lisa: Hey, EA! Ever hear of global warming? The whole “White Christmas” thing doesn’t really happen anymore.
Homer: Lisa, everyone knows EA is overrun with global warming deniers.
Homer: Every cent of profit from their games goes to support anti-environment think tanks. Fun fact!
Lisa: There’s a big crate outside out house addressed to “Resident.” Is that for us?
Homer: Well, I don’t mean to brag, but… yeah, it’s true. Your old man is a “Resident.” Been one my whole life. It’s pretty sweet.
Homer: Sorry we never told you you’re descended from Residents. Your mother and I didn’t want it to go to your head.
Homer: You’d naturally want to lord it over other, less-fortunate kids at school.
Lisa: Yeah, thanks a bunch. I really just want to know what’s inside the crate.

(after the task is complete)

Homer: Two thousand bucks shipping and handling for just a funny-looking metal coat rack?
Lisa: It’s a Christmas Tree… I think.

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 2

Collect Presents ×10

Lisa: There’s a memo attached to the bottom of the purchase order slip.
Lisa: ” Dear Resident, due to a stack overflow error with the Naughty/Nice record of one Bartholomew J. Simpson, all of Springfield has been erroneously rated “Naughty” for the last ten years.”
Lisa: “To rectify the situation, Claus Co is required to provide presents for the town of Springfield until this deficit have been made up.”
Lisa: ” Please accept this present delivery depot. Best Regards, The Claus Co Public Relations Department. Also, Global Warming is a hoax.”
Homer: Stupid stack overflow errors! Hey programmers, give your recursive functions the correct termination conditions! Sheesh!
Lisa: Uh, Dad? How do you know any of those words?
Homer: I don’t! But the people who write for me are colossal nerds. They think stuff like that’s hilarious. Stupid nerds!

Give Unto Others

Give Away Gift Bags ×3

Lisa: We have so many presents. Let’s share some with our friends in other Springfields.
Homer: Giving away what’s ours for nothing? What a wonderful idea! I’m so proud of you, honey. And so happy you’re my daughter!
Lisa: …
Lisa: You know I’m old enough to detect sarcasm, right?
Homer: Oops. Sorry, I forgot. Let’s do your plan, sweetie. Daddy’s shutting up now.

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 3

16h Homer Make a Snowman
6h Lisa Make Snow Angels

Lisa: They’re full of gift cards…
Homer: I love getting gift cards! They let me choose the gift I want.
Homer: Or, I can put them in a dresser drawer, forget they exist, and get nothing. Which is what happens 99.9% of the time. The choice is mine!
Lisa: They say they’re redeemable at a store called “Claus Co”.
Homer: Claus Co? Never heard of them. But then again, there’s lots of things I’ve never heard of.
Homer: Like the Higgs Boson, for example. I’ve sure never heard of that thing!
Homer: Anyway, free stuff is free stuff. Let’s celebrate!

The Face of the Holidays

Have Types of Decorated Houses ×3 [×10]

Krusty: With all this easy money around, Springfield is starting to remind me of a young Las Vegas.
Krusty: Only Springfield’s organized crime problem is worse.
Krusty: And we lack Vegas’s excellent schools, strong sense of community, and vibrant art scene.
Krusty: But we can give ‘em a run for their money in one category — lights!

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 4

8h Apu Set up A Gift Card Promotion

Homer: Hey, Apu! Can I pay for stuff at your store with Claus Co gift cards?
Apu: Do you think me a fool? Those gift cards are a totally unknown commodity. They could be worthless tomorrow.
Apu: The U.S. dollar, on the other hand, is worthless today. Of course I’ll take your mystery cards! I’d be a fool not to!

Holiday Trappings

! Homer
Have Festive Decorations ×6

Homer: Thanks, Claus Co, for all the free stuff.
Homer: I’m thrilled to not wonder why you could possibly be doing this!
Homer: Now that I’m no longer wondering, I have plenty of time to decorate!

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 5

! Ned
12h Ned Buy New Throw Pillows

Ned: Yee-haw! Look at all this money! I’m rich! Rich, rich, rich!
Ned: And I’ll use my newfound wealth to help the needy! Because they’re poor! Poor, poor, poor!
Lisa: Mr. Flanders, your charitable impulses are admirable. But everyone is being bombarded with free money.
Lisa: Why not spend those gift cards on yourself for once?
Ned: Well, there is one purchase I’ve been dreaming of. But it’s so totally indulgent…

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 6

! Apu
8h Apu Celebrate Pancha Ganapati

Apu: Ah, Christmas. That frenetic orgy of desperate, credit-ruining spending. How it warms the heart of the non-Christian shop owner.
Apu: If these Jesus Boosters just enjoyed the season, it would be fine. But they’re miserable. Every last oen of them.
Apu: Yoo-hoo! Christians! Your silly holidays make no sense!
Apu: Now, in honor of the Hindu celebration of Pancha Ganapati, I leave this offering of fruit to the five-faced elephant god, Ganesha. Because that’s just common sense.

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 7

! Cletus
24h Cletus Count Up Family Members

Cletus: I done collected me a truckload of these here gift cards.
Cletus: I’s got more money than God!
Cletus: I refer, of course, to the Hillbilly God. His name is Zeb, and he’s poor on account of his best pig got hit by lightning.
Cletus: This year I can buy something for all my kin.
Cletus: All my 1,549 siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews, nieces and various combinations of the above.

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 8

! Krusty
16h Krusty Use Credit to Pay Off Credit

Krusty: What, so now everyone’s rich? Not just me? How is that fair?
Krusty: I worked hard my whole life, stealing from talented comics everywhere.
Krusty: How am I gonna know I’m better than everyone else if I don’t have loads more money?
Sideshow Mel: In what sense are you rich? You owe millions to the mob!
Krusty: How do you know about my gambling debts?
Sideshow Mel: You’ve been very frank about it in your act. It’s fertile comedic ground. I’m not sure why the children respond to it, but they do.

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 9

! Milhouse
12h Milhouse Build a House of Gift Cards

Milhouse: Gift cards everywhere! This year, I can afford to have the kind of Christmas I’ve only dreamed of!
Milhouse: Halls decked to perfection, figgy pudding bursting with figs, wassail freaking everywhere.
Milhouse: Everybody donning their gayest apparel, songs of good cheer around the piano, until Dad says something that Mom mishears as a crack about her weight, and then the mood gets icy real fast…
Milhouse: Actually, it all sounds pretty terrible. Think I’m going to find another use for these cards.

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 10

! Homer
4h Springfielders ×12 Eat at a Restaurant

Homer: Come on, kids! The Simpsons are eating out tonight!
Lisa: What’s the occasion?
Homer: The happiest occasion there is: money. Only a colossal sucker eats at home when he has money!
Lisa: I thought you liked mom’s cooking.
Homer: I love it! And wherever we go, the food won’t measure up.
Homer: It will taste worse, yet be loaded with calorie-rich, high-fat gunk from parts of animals we’d rather not know exist.
Homer: Yet none of that matters. Because I will be served by someone who laughs at my jokes and pretends I’m wonderful.
Homer: All because they want some of my charming money.
Homer: And don’t forget — the kiddies get off-brand crayons! And paper placemats with word searches, and mazes…
Lisa: I do like mazes…

(after the task is complete)

Homer: I’m pretty sure that was the meal that kills me. And I couldn’t be happier.
Lisa: No offense, Dad, but watching you and everyone in that restaurant gorge themselves was kind of disgusting.
Homer: Couldn’t be happier…

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 11

! Homer
Reach Level 15 and Build Moe’s Tavern
4h Springfielders ×12 Enjoy a Beer

Moe: Moe’s is packed! This whole town is drunk!
Homer: We couldn’t afford it till now. When money’s no object, why would anyone choose to be sober?
Homer: We’re all super charming and fun now! And, yes, vehicular homocides have ticked up. But when you’re drunk, it just doesn’t matter.
Moe: I had no idea my prices were forcing everyone into horrible, sobriety. I gotta make up for that!
Moe: Hey, everybody! Drinks on the house!

(after the task is complete)

Moe: That’s funny. I thought giving away beer to my neighbors would make me feel good. But, nope.
Moe: It’s nice to know I haven’t been missing out on anything. Okay, you drunks. Prices just doubled!

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 12

! Bart
6h Springfielders ×12 Shop for Loved Ones

Bart: Okay, Mom, here’s my Christmas list, along with attached appendices.
Bart: I’ve included an index at the back, and on page 45 you’ll find a glossary of common BB gun terms.
Lisa: Bart, don’t you think that’s a bit excessive? Even by your standards?
Marge: Oh, I think we can afford to live a little, Lisa.
Marge: What they hey! This year, there is no budget! The sky’s the limit!
Homer: When it’s free, we can buy as much of your love as we want!

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 13

! Marge
24h Lisa Ponder the Meaning Of The Holidays

Marge: Hey, Lisa, what’s the matter, sweetie? You look upset.
Lisa: Something doesn’t feel right about these gift cards, mom. They’re bringing out the worst in all of us.
Marge: Try not to think about it. Here, have some egg nog.
Lisa: Thanks. Hey! This nog taste like Dad smells when he comes home from Moe’s. Did you spike my drink?
Marge: No! Of course not! You’re a child! Now finish that glass. It’ll cheer you right up. And, uh, maybe don’t operate a motor vehicle for the next two hours.

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 14

! Homer
8h Springfielders ×12 Overeat

Homer: Hey Wiggum! You want a sandwich? I bought a dozen of them. You know, like the rich guy I now am.
Homer: Rich guys always buy as much of something as possible, so you can tell them apart from poors. I think it’s one of the wealthy’s best qualities.
Wiggum: Thanks. Hey, have you noticed that when you don’t have to work for a living, you end up with a lot of time to kill?
Homer: Well, I find eating sandwiches to be a rewarding way to fill the time.
Homer: Other people may turn to reading, or spending time with loved one. But as for me, sandwiches.
Wiggum: I never realized you were so wise. I guess your wisdom gets lost beneath the innumerable dumb things you do and say.
Homer: Whaaaggub?
Wiggum: Nevermind. Keep eating, friend. Keep eating.

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 15

! Moe
8h Springfielders ×12 Drink Too Much

Barney: Another round, bartender!
Moe: Can’t… lift… another… mug.
Moe: Town… too alcoholic… for one bartender… to serve.

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 16

! Homer
12h Springfielders ×12 Stampede Stores

Homer: Everybody get up! It’s time to go shopping! We need to get to those sales!
Bart: Sales? Dad, it’s 6 AM and money has lost all meaning so sales are pointless. Also 6 AM.
Homer: If we wait ’til 7, we’ll miss all the pushing, shoving and rioting! And Christmas will be ruined.

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 17

! Lisa
60m Lisa Destroy Gift Cards

Lisa: Look at what these holiday gift cards have done to this town, Dad. We’re falling apart!
Homer: Sweetie, did you ever think maybe a town constructed of money and donuts isn’t meant to last forever?
Lisa: It’s the Seven Deadly Sins on parade! We eat all the time — that’s Gluttony.
Lisa: We lie around drinking all day — that’s Sloth!
Lisa: We fight each other to buy everything in sight — Greed!
Homer: That’s only three sins. Four more to go — including some of the funnest ones!
Homer: Wrath, Lust, Pride– ooh, and Envy! Let’s not pull the plug until I’ve had a chance to get in some sweet, sweet envying.

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 18

! Homer
24h Homer Hide from Springfielders
24h Lisa Hide from Springfielders
8h Springfielders ×12 Hunt for the Simpsons

Homer: Lisa! Why are you destroying the mysterious windfall from an unknown benefactor that has poisoned this once-peaceful small town?
Lisa: Well, uh, you just explained it pretty well.
Homer: Thanks! But we gotta be careful. People love those cards, and you know how quickly angry mobs form in this town.
Ned: They’re destroying gift cards! Kill the Simpsons!
Homer: Hey, look at that! We’ve never had a Flanders-led mob before.
Moe: When you’ve run from as many mobs as I have, you really appreciate novelty.

(after the task is complete)

Homer: Who’d have thought people would get so mad at the thought of going from rich bug shots to regular, poor losers.
Homer: Wait, why are we doing this again?
Lisa: People need to see that they are abandoning everything in the face of limitless buying power.
Lisa: The things that really matter in life aren’t tangible.
Homer: Oh. Yeah, I knew that… So, just so we’re clear, what we’re talking about will end free beer at Moe’s, won’t it?

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 19

! Lisa
12h Lisa Read Fine Print

Lisa: Claus Co is at the heart of all this trouble. But who are they?
Lisa: Hmmm… There’s some terms and conditions printed on the back of these gift cards.
Lisa: “Pursuant to the clause stated in paragraph 5, …” Dad! These conditions are even worse than a cell phone company’s!
Lisa: They’re almost as draconian as the makers of popular mobile devices, such as phones and tablets!
Lisa: The same devices upon which people play freemium games!
Homer: Anyone who’d waste their time on that junk deserves whatever’s coming to them.

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 20

Collect Presents ×50

Lisa: Dad, I found a loophole. Claus Co gift cards are only good for approximately 5 weeks.
Lisa: All this credit will be useless before the end of January. Then Springfield will go back to normal.
Moe: Gee, it hardly seems worth it murdering anybody over five lousy weeks. Six or seven, sure. But not five.
Marge: Well, maybe now we can all go back to celebrating the holidays the way we should — by gathering with family and friends.
Krusty: And sneaking off whenever possible to grind out all those sweet Claus Co prizes before five weeks is up!

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16 thoughts on “Christmas 2013”

  1. I farmed some giftcards in part 18 of too much of a good thing. now it seems i cannot go on to pt.19. all 3 parts of 18 show “Done”. is there something else that triggers 19?

  2. I have one prize left on the wheel…3 gifts left…is there a way to “blast” our neighbors to not leave gifts once we are finished? Lol…I Also would like to begin a charity to help our cash-strapped neighbors!

  3. Lisa won’t start Part 17 for me. Any ideas? Do I have to wait for Christmas? You guys are doing an amazing job with this Christmas update! Thanks for being so quick and accurate with everything. You are my go to site :)

  4. What does “have decorated houses x3 [x10]” mean? I have three facades up (won all on the spin machine), but the task won’t clear from my task list … what’s the “x10″??

      1. I didn’t have decorated houses (didn’t play until February 2013)… so I guess it should have cleared by now… but it hasn’t. Any thoughts?

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A blog dedicated to the popular mobile game, The Simpsons™: Tapped Out


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