Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 1
|Build the Present Depot|
Homer: The Holidays are here again? It seems like only yesterday I was tapping on my house and changing the design from “Christmas” to “plain.”
Homer: And so much snow!
Lisa: Hey, EA! Ever hear of global warming? The whole “White Christmas” thing doesn’t really happen anymore.
Homer: Lisa, everyone knows EA is overrun with global warming deniers.
Homer: Every cent of profit from their games goes to support anti-environment think tanks. Fun fact!
Lisa: There’s a big crate outside out house addressed to “Resident.” Is that for us?
Homer: Well, I don’t mean to brag, but… yeah, it’s true. Your old man is a “Resident.” Been one my whole life. It’s pretty sweet.
Homer: Sorry we never told you you’re descended from Residents. Your mother and I didn’t want it to go to your head.
Homer: You’d naturally want to lord it over other, less-fortunate kids at school.
Lisa: Yeah, thanks a bunch. I really just want to know what’s inside the crate.
Homer: Two thousand bucks shipping and handling for just a funny-looking metal coat rack?
Lisa: It’s a Christmas Tree… I think.
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 2
|Collect Presents ×10|
Lisa: There’s a memo attached to the bottom of the purchase order slip.
Lisa: ” Dear Resident, due to a stack overflow error with the Naughty/Nice record of one Bartholomew J. Simpson, all of Springfield has been erroneously rated “Naughty” for the last ten years.”
Lisa: “To rectify the situation, Claus Co is required to provide presents for the town of Springfield until this deficit have been made up.”
Lisa: ” Please accept this present delivery depot. Best Regards, The Claus Co Public Relations Department. Also, Global Warming is a hoax.”
Homer: Stupid stack overflow errors! Hey programmers, give your recursive functions the correct termination conditions! Sheesh!
Lisa: Uh, Dad? How do you know any of those words?
Homer: I don’t! But the people who write for me are colossal nerds. They think stuff like that’s hilarious. Stupid nerds!
Give Unto Others
|Give Away Gift Bags ×3|
Lisa: We have so many presents. Let’s share some with our friends in other Springfields.
Homer: Giving away what’s ours for nothing? What a wonderful idea! I’m so proud of you, honey. And so happy you’re my daughter!
Lisa: You know I’m old enough to detect sarcasm, right?
Homer: Oops. Sorry, I forgot. Let’s do your plan, sweetie. Daddy’s shutting up now.
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 3
|16h||Homer||Make a Snowman|
|6h||Lisa||Make Snow Angels|
Lisa: They’re full of gift cards…
Homer: I love getting gift cards! They let me choose the gift I want.
Homer: Or, I can put them in a dresser drawer, forget they exist, and get nothing. Which is what happens 99.9% of the time. The choice is mine!
Lisa: They say they’re redeemable at a store called “Claus Co”.
Homer: Claus Co? Never heard of them. But then again, there’s lots of things I’ve never heard of.
Homer: Like the Higgs Boson, for example. I’ve sure never heard of that thing!
Homer: Anyway, free stuff is free stuff. Let’s celebrate!
The Face of the Holidays
|Have Types of Decorated Houses ×3 [×10]|
Krusty: With all this easy money around, Springfield is starting to remind me of a young Las Vegas.
Krusty: Only Springfield’s organized crime problem is worse.
Krusty: And we lack Vegas’s excellent schools, strong sense of community, and vibrant art scene.
Krusty: But we can give ‘em a run for their money in one category — lights!
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 4
|8h||Apu||Set up A Gift Card Promotion|
Homer: Hey, Apu! Can I pay for stuff at your store with Claus Co gift cards?
Apu: Do you think me a fool? Those gift cards are a totally unknown commodity. They could be worthless tomorrow.
Apu: The U.S. dollar, on the other hand, is worthless today. Of course I’ll take your mystery cards! I’d be a fool not to!
|Have Festive Decorations ×6|
Homer: Thanks, Claus Co, for all the free stuff.
Homer: I’m thrilled to not wonder why you could possibly be doing this!
Homer: Now that I’m no longer wondering, I have plenty of time to decorate!
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 5
|12h||Ned||Buy New Throw Pillows|
Ned: Yee-haw! Look at all this money! I’m rich! Rich, rich, rich!
Ned: And I’ll use my newfound wealth to help the needy! Because they’re poor! Poor, poor, poor!
Lisa: Mr. Flanders, your charitable impulses are admirable. But everyone is being bombarded with free money.
Lisa: Why not spend those gift cards on yourself for once?
Ned: Well, there is one purchase I’ve been dreaming of. But it’s so totally indulgent…
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 6
|8h||Apu||Celebrate Pancha Ganapati|
Apu: Ah, Christmas. That frenetic orgy of desperate, credit-ruining spending. How it warms the heart of the non-Christian shop owner.
Apu: If these Jesus Boosters just enjoyed the season, it would be fine. But they’re miserable. Every last oen of them.
Apu: Yoo-hoo! Christians! Your silly holidays make no sense!
Apu: Now, in honor of the Hindu celebration of Pancha Ganapati, I leave this offering of fruit to the five-faced elephant god, Ganesha. Because that’s just common sense.
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 7
|24h||Cletus||Count Up Family Members|
Cletus: I done collected me a truckload of these here gift cards.
Cletus: I’s got more money than God!
Cletus: I refer, of course, to the Hillbilly God. His name is Zeb, and he’s poor on account of his best pig got hit by lightning.
Cletus: This year I can buy something for all my kin.
Cletus: All my 1,549 siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews, nieces and various combinations of the above.
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 8
|16h||Krusty||Use Credit to Pay Off Credit|
Krusty: What, so now everyone’s rich? Not just me? How is that fair?
Krusty: I worked hard my whole life, stealing from talented comics everywhere.
Krusty: How am I gonna know I’m better than everyone else if I don’t have loads more money?
Sideshow Mel: In what sense are you rich? You owe millions to the mob!
Krusty: How do you know about my gambling debts?
Sideshow Mel: You’ve been very frank about it in your act. It’s fertile comedic ground. I’m not sure why the children respond to it, but they do.
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 9
|12h||Milhouse||Build a House of Gift Cards|
Milhouse: Gift cards everywhere! This year, I can afford to have the kind of Christmas I’ve only dreamed of!
Milhouse: Halls decked to perfection, figgy pudding bursting with figs, wassail freaking everywhere.
Milhouse: Everybody donning their gayest apparel, songs of good cheer around the piano, until Dad says something that Mom mishears as a crack about her weight, and then the mood gets icy real fast…
Milhouse: Actually, it all sounds pretty terrible. Think I’m going to find another use for these cards.
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 10
|4h||Springfielders ×12||Eat at a Restaurant|
Homer: Come on, kids! The Simpsons are eating out tonight!
Lisa: What’s the occasion?
Homer: The happiest occasion there is: money. Only a colossal sucker eats at home when he has money!
Lisa: I thought you liked mom’s cooking.
Homer: I love it! And wherever we go, the food won’t measure up.
Homer: It will taste worse, yet be loaded with calorie-rich, high-fat gunk from parts of animals we’d rather not know exist.
Homer: Yet none of that matters. Because I will be served by someone who laughs at my jokes and pretends I’m wonderful.
Homer: All because they want some of my charming money.
Homer: And don’t forget — the kiddies get off-brand crayons! And paper placemats with word searches, and mazes…
Lisa: I do like mazes…
Homer: I’m pretty sure that was the meal that kills me. And I couldn’t be happier.
Lisa: No offense, Dad, but watching you and everyone in that restaurant gorge themselves was kind of disgusting.
Homer: Couldn’t be happier…
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 11
|Reach Level 15 and Build Moe’s Tavern|
|4h||Springfielders ×12||Enjoy a Beer|
Moe: Moe’s is packed! This whole town is drunk!
Homer: We couldn’t afford it till now. When money’s no object, why would anyone choose to be sober?
Homer: We’re all super charming and fun now! And, yes, vehicular homocides have ticked up. But when you’re drunk, it just doesn’t matter.
Moe: I had no idea my prices were forcing everyone into horrible, sobriety. I gotta make up for that!
Moe: Hey, everybody! Drinks on the house!
Moe: That’s funny. I thought giving away beer to my neighbors would make me feel good. But, nope.
Moe: It’s nice to know I haven’t been missing out on anything. Okay, you drunks. Prices just doubled!
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 12
|6h||Springfielders ×12||Shop for Loved Ones|
Bart: Okay, Mom, here’s my Christmas list, along with attached appendices.
Bart: I’ve included an index at the back, and on page 45 you’ll find a glossary of common BB gun terms.
Lisa: Bart, don’t you think that’s a bit excessive? Even by your standards?
Marge: Oh, I think we can afford to live a little, Lisa.
Marge: What they hey! This year, there is no budget! The sky’s the limit!
Homer: When it’s free, we can buy as much of your love as we want!
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 13
|24h||Lisa||Ponder the Meaning Of The Holidays|
Marge: Hey, Lisa, what’s the matter, sweetie? You look upset.
Lisa: Something doesn’t feel right about these gift cards, mom. They’re bringing out the worst in all of us.
Marge: Try not to think about it. Here, have some egg nog.
Lisa: Thanks. Hey! This nog taste like Dad smells when he comes home from Moe’s. Did you spike my drink?
Marge: No! Of course not! You’re a child! Now finish that glass. It’ll cheer you right up. And, uh, maybe don’t operate a motor vehicle for the next two hours.
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 14
Homer: Hey Wiggum! You want a sandwich? I bought a dozen of them. You know, like the rich guy I now am.
Homer: Rich guys always buy as much of something as possible, so you can tell them apart from poors. I think it’s one of the wealthy’s best qualities.
Wiggum: Thanks. Hey, have you noticed that when you don’t have to work for a living, you end up with a lot of time to kill?
Homer: Well, I find eating sandwiches to be a rewarding way to fill the time.
Homer: Other people may turn to reading, or spending time with loved one. But as for me, sandwiches.
Wiggum: I never realized you were so wise. I guess your wisdom gets lost beneath the innumerable dumb things you do and say.
Wiggum: Nevermind. Keep eating, friend. Keep eating.
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 15
|8h||Springfielders ×12||Drink Too Much|
Barney: Another round, bartender!
Moe: Can’t… lift… another… mug.
Moe: Town… too alcoholic… for one bartender… to serve.
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 16
|12h||Springfielders ×12||Stampede Stores|
Homer: Everybody get up! It’s time to go shopping! We need to get to those sales!
Bart: Sales? Dad, it’s 6 AM and money has lost all meaning so sales are pointless. Also 6 AM.
Homer: If we wait ’til 7, we’ll miss all the pushing, shoving and rioting! And Christmas will be ruined.
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 17
|60m||Lisa||Destroy Gift Cards|
Lisa: Look at what these holiday gift cards have done to this town, Dad. We’re falling apart!
Homer: Sweetie, did you ever think maybe a town constructed of money and donuts isn’t meant to last forever?
Lisa: It’s the Seven Deadly Sins on parade! We eat all the time — that’s Gluttony.
Lisa: We lie around drinking all day — that’s Sloth!
Lisa: We fight each other to buy everything in sight — Greed!
Homer: That’s only three sins. Four more to go — including some of the funnest ones!
Homer: Wrath, Lust, Pride– ooh, and Envy! Let’s not pull the plug until I’ve had a chance to get in some sweet, sweet envying.
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 18
|24h||Homer||Hide from Springfielders|
|24h||Lisa||Hide from Springfielders|
|8h||Springfielders ×12||Hunt for the Simpsons|
Homer: Lisa! Why are you destroying the mysterious windfall from an unknown benefactor that has poisoned this once-peaceful small town?
Lisa: Well, uh, you just explained it pretty well.
Homer: Thanks! But we gotta be careful. People love those cards, and you know how quickly angry mobs form in this town.
Ned: They’re destroying gift cards! Kill the Simpsons!
Homer: Hey, look at that! We’ve never had a Flanders-led mob before.
Moe: When you’ve run from as many mobs as I have, you really appreciate novelty.
Homer: Who’d have thought people would get so mad at the thought of going from rich bug shots to regular, poor losers.
Homer: Wait, why are we doing this again?
Lisa: People need to see that they are abandoning everything in the face of limitless buying power.
Lisa: The things that really matter in life aren’t tangible.
Homer: Oh. Yeah, I knew that… So, just so we’re clear, what we’re talking about will end free beer at Moe’s, won’t it?
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 19
|12h||Lisa||Read Fine Print|
Lisa: Claus Co is at the heart of all this trouble. But who are they?
Lisa: Hmmm… There’s some terms and conditions printed on the back of these gift cards.
Lisa: “Pursuant to the clause stated in paragraph 5, …” Dad! These conditions are even worse than a cell phone company’s!
Lisa: They’re almost as draconian as the makers of popular mobile devices, such as phones and tablets!
Lisa: The same devices upon which people play freemium games!
Homer: Anyone who’d waste their time on that junk deserves whatever’s coming to them.
Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 20
|Collect Presents ×50|
Lisa: Dad, I found a loophole. Claus Co gift cards are only good for approximately 5 weeks.
Lisa: All this credit will be useless before the end of January. Then Springfield will go back to normal.
Moe: Gee, it hardly seems worth it murdering anybody over five lousy weeks. Six or seven, sure. But not five.
Marge: Well, maybe now we can all go back to celebrating the holidays the way we should — by gathering with family and friends.
Krusty: And sneaking off whenever possible to grind out all those sweet Claus Co prizes before five weeks is up!