Day 9 of 35
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A blog dedicated to the popular mobile game, The Simpsons: Tapped Out
So it turns out that all this time Ned’s kids were stuck in the bathrooms at Sir Putt-A-Lot’s, who knew? There is a good chance you may have already built this during the Valentine’s Day update, but if you missed out on that content update you now have a second chance to build this miniature golf course.
Lisa: Bart, remember Sir Putt-A-Lot’s? You used to be crazy about miniature golf!
Bart: I’m not crazy about anything miniature. Golf, vans, pinschers — I prefer all of them full-sized.
Bart: But I did love their LAX security. I once walked right past the guard with a shopping bag from “The Fireworks Barn”.
Lisa: Well, we should rebuild it anyway. It’ll keep you off the streets.
Bart: I’m in. I wanna cherry bomb four toilets at once. Kind of a Vegas “Dancing Waters” thing.
Lisa: La, la, la, can’t hear you! Not an accessory!
Homer: Aw, Sir Putt-A-Lot’s! You know, Bart — you were conceived on this minigolf course. Right there in that castle and/or windmill.
Bart: I know. And I’m pretty sure your constantly telling me that story is why I’m the way I am.
Homer: So you wanna play a round of mini-golf with your old man?
Bart: No, I came to vandalize the bathroom. Help me open this door, will ya?
Rod: Bart? Bart’s daddy?
Todd: Where are we?
Bart: Rod and Todd?! Quick, close the door again!
Homer: What are you two doing here?
Todd: We were in the bathroom washing our hands because we accidentally made an obscene gesture.
Rod: From now on when we sing, “Where is pointer finger?” we’re not going to ask about any other fingers!
Todd: Before we could scrub the sin away, there was an explosion and we got trapped inside.
Bart: I bet that was my toilet cherry bomb.
Homer: Or when I blew up the whole town.
Bart: The important thing is that they were gone for a long long time, and we were responsible.
Ned: Oh, my boys! The Good Lord brought you back to me!
Rod: I saw mommy in a bright light. She told me to go back and that I’d see her again when it was my time.
Todd: I saw a black, featureless abyss!
Ned: Well, don’t worry, boys. I’ll make sure nothing ever happens to you again.
Rodd and Todd: Yay, nothing!
Ned: Excuse me, Lisa? I have to pick up more child-proofing supplies. Could ya watch the boys while I’m out?
Lisa: Sure, Mr. Flanders. Is there anything I should know?
Ned: Well, they’ve been lying on the couch for the last three hours…
Lisa: So you want me to get them up and do something active?
Ned: NO! Nothing active! But, in another hour, could you roll ‘em on to their tummies so they don’t get couch-sores?
Lisa: *SIGHS* Five bucks an hour is five bucks an hour.
Marge: Ned, I’ve been talking to Lisa and I’m concerned about Rod and Todd.
Ned: That’s mighty neighborino-ly of you, but don’t worry!
Ned: My boys are home-schooled and home-churched — they never leave the bubble-wrapped walls of my house.
Marge: Don’t you think you’re being a little overprotective? Kids need to play in the fresh air and sunshine.
Ned: I suppose I should let the boys go out for a little to enjoy our great, green earth. After all, God spent a whole week making it.
Marge: Exactly, sort of. Boys, why don’t you go outside and play on something safe and fun like a see-saw.
Todd: Yay! First I’ll be closer to God, then you’ll be closer to God…
Rod: Then I’ll be closer to God, then you’ll be closer to God…
Todd: Then I’ll be closer to–
Marge: WE GET IT!
Rod: Daddy! I got a splinter!
Ned: Oh no, where?
Rod: In my pant cuff!
Todd: A breeze riffled my hair. Now, my part is crooked.
Ned: I knew it was a mistake to let you boys go outside! I’ve got to get you to the doctor, ASAP!
Todd: But you said doctors were godless heathens we should never listen to.
Ned: No, that’s scientists.
Dr. Hibbert: It’s a good thing you brought the boys in when you did, Ned. A few more days, and it would have been too late. *chuckles*
Ned: Good heavens! What would have happened?
Dr. Hibbert: They would have been permanently and irreparably… turned into weirdos.
Dr. Hibbert: You’re smothering these kids, Ned. They need to spend time with their peers.
Ned: But other kids are so… different.
Dr. Hibbert: No Ned, you’re kids are so different. They could use a dose of other-kid-ness, stat.
Ned: Okay boys, this is it. — your first day of public school.
Rod: I’m scared of public school! They’re going to teach us that the Garden of Eden was the dinosaurs’ house before Adam and Eve lived there!
Todd: And that Christmas’s real name is Holidays.
Ned: Now boys, just because someone teaches you something, doesn’t mean you have to learn it!
Ned: When I took science classes as a kid, I’d just sing hymns in my head or write bible verses on the roof of my mouth with the tip of my tongue.
Ned: And I never absorbed any of that Evolution nonsense. I’m only kinda sure where babies come from.
Ned: Boys, you’ve been going to school for a whole week. For that you get a special treat!
Ned: Sunday School!
Rod and Todd: Yay!
Todd: I hope we play Crucifictionary. I’m good at drawing “scrourging”!
Lisa: Hey Rod, do you wanna climb on the monkey bars?
Rod: Are they called that because the God of Evolution is monkeys?
Lisa: No! It’s because it’s fun to climb on them, like a monkey.
Rod: And if I do, you promise I won’t evolve?
Lisa: I’m pretty sure that won’t happen.
Rod: Yay! Static universe!
Todd: Hi Bart. What’s that in your hand?
Bart: Squishee, collosal size.
Rod: It’s so green and glowy!
Bart: It’s their new flavor, alien berry. Wanna try it? It’ll blow your mind.
Rod: That has sugar, Todd! It causes cavities.
Bart: Pfft, that link has never been proven. Go ahead, Todd. See? Sugar doesn’t do anything. Now if I could just get my Squishee back…
Todd: No! It’s mine! MINE!
Rod: Todd? You sound like you’re possessed! I better brush up on demon banishing by playing Bible Blaster.
Todd: The straw is too skinny. It’s not getting in my mouth fast enough!
Bart: Hey, maybe you should slow down…
Todd: Maybe you should shut up or I’ll punch your face off!
Lisa: Hi Rod, what are you doing?
Rod: Praying for forgiveness. I’ve committed the sin of jealousy. Toward you.
Lisa: Me?! Why?
Rod: I’m jealous that you get to wear mommy clothes.
Rod: Do you want to play “Try-on-each-other’s-shoes?”
Lisa: Um, you should probably just get back to your praying.
Todd: Why is my straw making that horrible sound?
Bart: You’ve come to the bottom of the cup. You’re all out of Squishee.
Todd: Oh. Can you take me to where I get more?
Bart: Sorry, I have to get going… Ow! Hey, you’re strong! *choking* My larynx!
Todd: Take me to the Squishee. Now!
Bart: *gasping* Yes, sir.
Apu: Here you boys go — two Super-Colossal Squishees.
Todd: Thank you! I wish you believed in the real god so you could sell Squishees in heaven!
Apu: Young man, your casual dismissal of the sacred beliefs of myself and millions of others frightens and sickens me.
Apu: So take your Frequent Squishee-Drinkers punch card and…
Apu: Come again!
Continues with Bread And Putter Pt. 1 – 5