Day 9 of 35
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A blog dedicated to the popular mobile game, The Simpsons: Tapped Out
Even though this building was originally part of the Valentine’s Day update, there weren’t any quests involving it until now. Thankfully there is a five-part quest line involving a mini-golf tournament. Either Ned or Homer will initiate each part of this quest, so keep an eye out for “!” over their heads. If you’ve been keeping Homer in Krustyland you may find that you still have a few rounds of mini-golf to play before this storyline wraps up.
Ned: Homer, I’m seeing a lot of your children’ influence on my boys. Bart, mostly. Although Rod is starting to wear pearls.
Homer: You’re welcome, Ned. Glad we could help.
Ned: No, Homer, I’m saying I don’t want my kids to be like your kids. I like them the way they are.
Homer: What?! But your kids are weird!
Ned: Well, your kids are… wild!
Homer: How dare you! There’s only one-way to settle the question of who’s a better parent — a mini-golf tournament.
Ned: Huh? How would that settle anything?
Homer: Sounds like somebody’s chicken. Bok-bok-bok-ba-gaak!
Ned: No, I just don’t understand how minigolf relates to–
Ned: Fine, you’re on!
Nelson: I wanna do this.
Homer: Sorry, this tournament is private.
Nelson: Dude, did you not notice my threatening tone when I said…
Nelson: I wanna do this.
Homer: *gulp* Open tournament! Anyone can join!
Ned: Welcome to round one of Mini-Masters! First up are Bart, Rod and Nelson. Remember boys, the important thing is that everyone has fun.
Homer: I feel the same way.
Homer: I don’t feel the same way, Bart. I want you win at all costs.
Ned: Homer, you’re doing that whispering thing you do where everyone can hear every word you’re saying.
Homer: What are you talking about? I’m not whispering!
Homer: I think they can hear me so I’m going to stop whispering now.
Nelson: Stupid colored balls, stupid little pencils. I can’t believe how much I hate this! How long does this go on?
Bart: Eighteen holes. This is the hole number three.
Nelson: Life’s too short — I’m gonna go watch TV. Smell ya later, lamewads!
Ned: Well, Nelson’s out. And Rod still refuses to retrieve his ball from the first hole…
Rod: A rollie-pollie crawled in there and he didn’t crawl out!
Ned: So I guess you win this round, Bart.
Ned: Congratulations, Homer. You’re being surprisingly gracious about this.
Homer: About what?
Ned: About Bart’s winning.
Homer: We won? Yes! In your face, sucka!
Ned: That’s the Homer I know.
Ned: It’s time for round two of this yellow Skins Tournament, with Lisa Simpsons, Martin Prince, and my own little Toddy.
Homer: Lisa, please, please, win this for Daddy. Does it help if I tell you that if you lose, it will ruin everything?
Lisa: Dad, you wouldn’t have to derive your self-esteem from your children if you had your own accomplishments.
Homer: But that entails not drinking and daily showers.
Lisa: Fine. Gimme the putter.
Ned: Oh my goodness! The winner of round two is… Todd some-relation Flanders!
Bart: Way to put all the pressure on me, Lis.
Lisa: Well, that doesn’t make me feel very good.
Bart: You know what would’ve made you feel good?
Lisa: Not losing?
Homer: And for the final qualifying round of this… mini-golf this, it’s… Milhouse versus Ralph? Wow, Dud and Dudder. I’m gonna nap in my car.
Milhouse: I can win this. All I have to do is beat the one kid who loses at more things than I do. And I totally don’t feel bad about it!
Ralph: The urinals here are outside. They have pennies and fish in them.
Milhouse: Okay, I feel a little bad.
Milhouse: I can’t believe I lost to Ralph Wiggum!
Milhouse: He must be some kind of golfing expert.
Ralph: I like the sound when the little egg goes in the hole!
Homer: Bart, Todd, and Ralph, congratulations on making it to the final round.
Homer: In my book, you are all winners.
Homer: Until after this round then my book will be edited and only the actual winner will be a winner. The other two will be big, fat losers.
Ned: Todd has spent the last four holes cowering behind the hedge.
Todd: The giant alligator ate my ball!
Ned: It’s an alligator statue — it’s supposed to eat your ball. That’s why there’s a flag sticking out of it’s nostril.
Todd: I forfeit!
Ned: And Bart knocked his ball out of the park. Literally. Over the fence, and onto the freeway.
Bart: I’m like Tiger Woods… the golfer, not the one who did all that bad stuff.
Ned: So I guess the winner is Ralph Wiggum!
Homer: Bart! I don’t mean to be negative… but you sucked like crazy!
Bart: I had an off day.
Wiggum: Ralphie’s so happy! And a happy Ralphie is a non-fire-starting Ralphie. Thank you, Bart.
Homer: Why did Wiggum wink when he thanked you? And what’s in that bag he handed you?
Bart: A token of his gratitude. Two police issue tasers.
Homer: He bribed you into throwing the tournament? You don’t suck, you’re just a cheater! Do you realize what this means?!
Homer: I’m a great father!
Bart: Wanna play taser-tag?
Homer: I sure do, son. I sure do.